three and a half

Today is my birthday. I am not three and a half, but Morgan is. I am 3 + 5 and that's a little hard for me to stomach. Much harder than 30.

I love this sweet little girl so much. I sit back and look at her and she's grown so much. Her voice is still soft and low like it was when she first starting talking, but her mannerisms and personality are totally that of a little girl. Not a baby. Not a toddler. That's hit me recently and it makes me both happy and sad.

Last month we went in the backyard so she could show me how she swings. We had been working on it, but she still couldn't do it by herself. I walked out there with her fully prepared to push her and watch her go through the motions. She ran ahead, sister gave her a push, and before I could even get over there she was doing it all by herself. Pumping her legs and going higher and higher. I was so proud of her. The hard work paid off and I could tell she was so happy.

She's a lover of sweets. She doesn't get them often, but when she does she always chooses wisely. After church one day I stopped to get gas and picked up a donut for the girls. I giggled when I looked over and saw that only the sprinkles and top half of the donut were gone. The two bite marks are from me. Then, she did it again with a cupcake. I always know to lightly ice her treats because it's really the only thing she eats.

She has a love of books. And not just her books. She likes our grown up books as well. She'll sit and read for an hour. I find her sitting by herself in her room surrounded by 30 different books that she just read. Or she takes them to the playroom and reads to her students. I was worried that we didn't spend enough time reading to her as a baby as we did Addison. I feared she wouldn't like reading, but boy was I wrong. She gets so into making up a story that I sit back and watch without her knowing. I took this one night when she begged me to read just one more book. How can I say no to that face.

I love that she's a snuggler and even when it's not my night to put her to bed, she still needs to me to sit with her for just a minute. I sing Sunshine to her and tell her I love her as big as the sky and as big as the ocean. She always responds with "I love you as big as the clouds and as big as the sun". And sometimes as big as the mulch.

For no particular reason she'll come up and kiss me on the arm. Out of the blue. But she won't let me kiss her lips when she has chapstick or lip gloss on. She's afraid it will come off. 

She has the sweetest soul. The sweetest smile. And the sassiest personality. I love you Morgan!

five and a half

My sweet Addison turned five and a half years old last week. It sounds weird saying it out loud. This tiny person has been in my life for five and a half years. It feels like I have known her forever. Like she was always meant to be mine.

She is me. She has my mannerisms, my personality, my stubborness. She is independent, detail oriented and still a little shy. She's also very loving, affectionate and emotional. All of this is good, except when you mix it all together and you get the 20 minute meltdowns because her hair is sticking up in the back. She is so full of life and loves to laugh and have a good time. 

She also likes to steal my phone and take pictures of herself which always makes me smile when I find them days later.

I just love her to death. Today, tomorrow, and forever.

60 months

Dear Addison,

I keep telling myself that I need to write you this letter. I sit down to do it, type a couple of words and then can't finish. The words I want to write are up there in my head, but they're just jumbled up with all of the other things that are going on. I can't get them to come out the right way. So I decided just to write whatever comes to my mind.

It's been five years since I held you in my arms for the first time. At the time it was all a blur. I was so jacked up on drugs that the whole thing seemed surreal. But I loved you instantly. That I do remember. And I'm pretty sure you loved me back.

Your random hugs and kisses brighten my day. Although you have so much more confidence than you did a year ago, there are still times when you shy away from the world and come to me for comfort. I love to hold you in my arms or rub your back while you cling to my leg and remind you that everything is going to be fine. Whether your scared, embarrassed or just need a hug, I am always there for you. At night I lay with you and sing You are my Sunshine, just like I have for the past five years. When the lights are out and you're all tucked in I kiss you goodnight, tell you I love you and wish you sweet dreams. Sometimes I want to jump in bed with you and hold you all night, but I let you rest so we can do it all again the next day.

But, since I'm writing you this letter to look back on, I'd like to add that you do have your moments. You're so much like me that it's hard to admit sometimes. You love to write, color and draw, but if for some reason you mess up or go out of the lines it's like a bomb went off in our living room. Your emotions are all over the place and you get so upset. After time has passed and you've calmed down, I explain to you that nothing or no one is perfect. We all make mistakes. It's those mistakes that help us learn and grow. It's going to be a few more years before you completely understand, but you're getting it. You're getting better at handling situations which makes the amount of alone time you have a lot less frequent. There are times when you're kicking and screaming for no good reason at all, but I let you have your moment. I let you be upset and figure it out. It happens to all of us. When it's all over, you're still my sweet Addison.

On any given day you'll tell me a story and barely stop for a breath. You'll draw me pictures and show them off, each one like it's your latest masterpiece. I see you and Morgan playing and drawing together and then five minutes later you're fighting. It's minimal and doesn't last long. Just something sister's do. Most of the time the problem is resolved before I even get involved. You have a passion for learning and are doing so great in school. We work on your reading, writing and math mostly because you love to. I have no doubt that you are going to do great in Kindergarten next year. I included this picture of your teddy bear Sammy because he is your best friend. You sleep with him every night and he's often found close by you throughout the day. You love this bear just like you love everything in life.

You have the sweetest smile and the most perfect teeth. You still won't use the fluoride toothpaste because you refuse to spit. You still prefer for me not to do your hair, but I can often convince you to let me pull it back out of your face. You've started biting your nails and I'm trying to stop it before it gets out of control. Wish me luck. The freckles under your eyes and on your nose are still the cutest ever! You've recently been wearing more skirts and dresses, but you're still not girly. You love to water the flowers and ride your bike and you're swimming like a fish. You love to wake up early on the weekends and play quietly with your sister.

I love your silliness and funny faces. The way that you growl for no reason at all. I love how excited you are to see me when I pick you up from school. I love everything about you.

I love that you are my daughter.

Love,
Mommy

two and a half (plus a month)

My sweet Morgan,

Just so you know, your mom is a slacker. You turned two and a half on November 8th and I'm just now writing this letter to you. A month later. Truth is, this probably will only get worse over the years so you might as well get used to it now. You motivate me to do this post anyway, even if it is late. Waking up every morning and seeing you snuggle with Daddy makes my day. You look up at me with the sweetest smile as I kiss you good morning. I get a little jealous wishing I was the one you wanted to snuggle with, but I get it. You need your daddy time in the mornings. The rest of the day is all about mommy and that totally makes up for it. At night you cry when it's not mommy's turn to put you to bed. It breaks my heart, but we have to stick to the routine.

You're still so snuggly and cuddly. You're always so content just sitting on my lap while I give you hugs and kisses. Every night you pick out books to read. You stack them up on the ottoman until they are almost falling over. We read about three. Then you just want me to rock you as you wrap your arms around my neck and squeeze tightly. Maybe you fear that I will let you go. I will never. You're always in my thoughts. Even as I sleep I think of you and your sister. I can't wait to get you out of bed in the morning and start everything all over again.

I love the way you actually let me do your hair and clip your fingernails. You sit so patiently and seem so amazed at the final product. You've recently been potty training. I'll admit it's been tough. I wondered if you were ever going to get it. For two weeks now you've been wearing panties to school. The average was three accidents a day and a load of laundry each night. Yesterday you were so proud when you came home in your original clothes and happily exclaimed that you went to the potty all day. I was so happy. I hope it's finally all starting to click. For your sake and mine.

You're a funny girl, just like your daddy. You do things that you don't even know are funny. Like every time you dance you like to look at your reflection. We watch you as you bobble back and forth with the music. You took a break from the dancing for awhile, but you're back at it. And you can't dance by yourself. Every time you hear music you come running to tell me to dance with you. Sometimes like this, you say, with your hand moving back and forth. That's the fish move, one of your favorites. I giggle all the time. Your expressions and the off the cuff remarks kill me. I sometimes wonder how your little brain comes up with these things.

Unlike your sister, you love to pose for pictures. As soon as you hear the click you come running over because you have to see the picture. You're so independent and have to try everything by yourself. I try to be patient and sit back waiting for you to ask me for help. You always do. You love baby dolls, puzzles and books and like to read the story by  yourself. It's all made up and a jumble of words, but it doesn't matter. You look like the smartest girl in the world when you're lost in a book. Sometimes you and your sister like to make a fort in your crib or the closet. You'll both sit quietly and play with the massive pile of stuff you've accumalated. You like to watch movies and eat popcorn with Addison. When the popcorn is done you cuddle up close to her and hug her. I love walking in and seeing those moments.

This year we got our first real Christmas tree. You tell me all the time that you're allowed to touch the tree, but not the ornaments. All with a twinkle in your eye. Every time Santa comes on the tv you scream with joy. You love him, just not in person. Same with the Chick-fil-a cow. Everything is good from a distance and the excitement is adorable, but if you get within two feet of them you freak out.

I'm sorry to tell you that Santa may be going back to the North Pole with your paci's. It will probably break my heart more than yours. My baby is turning into a little girl.

I love you sweetheart.

Mommy

*Last picture taken by Amy Barry from Couture Wedding Studios. Find her on Facebook HERE!

4.5 years

Dear Addison,

My sweet, sweet girl. You're growing so fast. You no longer look or sound like a baby, even a toddler. Overnight you've become this little girl, with a distinct personality and your own sense of being. You're self sufficient and independent, but still come to me for help when you think something is too hard. Most of the time it's not and I make you do it on your own. The sense of accomplishment I see in your eyes makes me proud. You still have a shyness about you that comes out when we're parting ways with each other. At night you always need one more kiss or one more hug. You like to hold on to my pointer finger as I walk away. You smile at me as our hands slip apart and I whisper "sweet dreams". I always check on you soon after that. I get one last hug and an "I love you mommy". It may be the sweetest thing I hear all day.

You're still not a true girlie girl, which is okay with me. We play dress up sometimes and you love when I paint your fingernails. I know if there is a shade of purple in the mix that you will pick that color. You don't mind when I trim your finger and toe nails as long as there is a tv show to keep you occupied. For some reason you always know when I'm at the pinky toe. You have this fear that cutting the pinky toe is going to hurt. I always fake you out and get it done and then remind you that it didn't hurt. But it doesn't matter. You do the same thing every time.

I do have to mention the small fits you have been throwing lately. I'm hoping it's all a phase that will pass sooner rather than later. Every time I begin to brush your hair I'm met with an "owie" and that's before I've reached a tangle. Then it escalates into a crying fit of no's and I don't want to's. Every morning there are tears. You don't want to brush your hair or your teeth. You don't want to get dressed or put your shoes on. At night you don't want to do this, that or the other. It makes me sad that you're spending a lot of time in your room, but since I've started sticking to consequences it's gotten a little better.

For the past two months or so you've been playing soccer. I think you really enjoyed it. It was so much fun to watch you transform into a true player. Each week you would get in and attack the ball more and more. By the end of the season you were actually kicking it a couple of times per game. There were no goals scored, but that's okay by me. It didn't make me any less proud of you. There were times when you would spend too much time eating snacks and not participate in the game. There was the one time you picked a weed and rushed it over to me, all while the game is going on. And I can't forget the time you ran over to kiss your sister because you needed more energy. I about died it was so sweet.

You and Morgan are attached at the hip. Just like any other siblings you have your moments, but most times you can be found side by side. You give her kisses and hugs as often as you can. Most of the time you play well together and the bickering we sometimes hear is usually over something insignificant. Like the toothbrushes. I finally had to label them because you keep wanting to switch. You don't care that it's gross. Everyday when I pick you up from school I find you both playing together at the fence. Yesterday I had a parent/teacher conference where I heard nothing but good things about how well you are doing in school. You love to learn. You love to solve problems. You love to tell stories. Sometimes they are really long, but I listen patiently. Puzzles, drawing and games are favorites. You like to play Candy Land, Chutes & Ladders, and Hi Ho Cherry-O as much as possible.

This past weekend we went and had family pictures taken. You had two mini candy bars before we left the house, more candy during the photo shoot and the promise of a doll after it was all over as motivation to cooperate and smile. Sometimes as parents you just do what you have to do. I didn't care because it worked. The picture above is one of my favorites. I'm not sharing my ultimate favorite because it's a surprise for the Christmas card, but trust me. You did good.

I love you as big as the sky and as big as the ocean.

Mommy


*Last picture taken by Amy Barry from Couture Wedding Studios. Find her on Facebook HERE!

two years old

Dear Morgan,

I remember two years ago when I woke up early and headed to the hospital. Everything went so fast. Surgery was scheduled for 7 a.m. and at 7:49 a.m. you were born. You were so tiny compared to your sister. All I wanted to do was hold you and cuddle you. When you woke up this past Sunday morning I wanted to do the same thing. You wanted no part of it. You ran straight for the streamers and balloons and sung the cutest version of Happy Birthday to yourself. When I asked you how old you were you told me two, but you haven't mastered the fingers yet. Your mouth was saying two, but your hands were showing five.

We had a little get together with the neighbors again. Have I mentioned that we love the neighbors? This weekend I said their names and you went running to the back door and looked over to see if they were there. We went swimming for awhile so you could practice your kicks. Swimming lessons would be a thing of the past if you would kick your feet better. We're working on it though. Hopefully by the time you read this you are swimming like a fish. Then it was time for dinner and cake. Ah, the cake. You would probably eat sugar and sweets all day if I let you. You're always asking me for candy and cookies. You can down a juice box in less than a minute. But because I care so much about you and those pearly whites of yours, it's only allowed in moderation. But birthday's don't count.

You were so funny when we sang Happy Birthday to you. Your eyes crossed and you started to stare at all of us. I've never seen that look on your face before. It was probably a mix of confusion and embarassement. Whatever it was, it was hilarious. You're lacking some power in your blow, but that didn't matter. Your big sister was happy to step in and help. Addison even showed you how to lick the icing off the candle. She's really proud that you are her little sister.

We've found that you have a temper. Sometimes you like to hit your sister for no good reason. When we tell you that it's not nice to hit you run to her with hugs and kisses and tell her sorry. It makes me smile to see you so sweet, although I do wish that you wouldn't hit in the first place. You've gotten better. Either that or we just don't witness it as much. Your lucky that Addison doesn't hit back. You've also mastered the middle of the floor tantrum. You know the one where you lay with your face planted in the floor and just scream. It doesn't happen often, but when it does it truly is a work of art.

I can't get over your hair.  People comment all the time about how blonde it is. It really is white. I wish it would stay like that forever, but I don't think it's in the cards. Right now you have four dark hairs on your head. They stick out like sore thumbs in that sea of white. I monitor them and haven't seen any new ones in awhile. Maybe that's a good sign. You still have not had a haircut. It's so long and curls so much in the back that I can't bring myself to cut it. Daddy loves it because he can just put it in a ponytail. I guess there really is no rush.

Sunday was Mother's Day as well. It was such a special day for me. Don't get me wrong. The gifts were nice, but the sweet kisses and extra big hugs that I got all day were super special. You give the best hugs. Just recently you've become really attached to me. You've always wanted daddy to put you to bed, but now you come looking for me. You love books and always have a stack for me to read. I read you a couple and then rock you while I sing you songs. Hush Little Baby has always been your favorite. Sometimes you'll rub my arm or pat my back while we're rocking.

I love that you still love to dance. Any time you hear music you stop and dance. It could be the middle of the grocery store, in the car or at church. I can clap my hands and make up a song and you will still dance to it. It makes me smile every time. Recently you've started singing songs. I listened to you sing Itsy Bitsy Spider for 45 minutes the other day. I like how you sometimes don't know where the end is and keep going in a continuous loop.

Mommy and daddy probably won't be having more babies. I sometimes think about that when it's just me and you alone, rocking at night. I cherish each moment I have with you and your sister. But when milestones come and go I get a little emotional. You really are the baby and in my eyes always will be.

I love you sweetheart!
Mommy

the birthday girl

Dear Addison,

Sunday morning we got up and I said Happy Birthday to you. You asked me if you were really four. When I said yes you disagreed with me. You told me you still looked three and a half so you couldn't be four. Trust me. You are four. My heart knows. I was a little teary when I put you to bed Friday night. I read you a book, sang you songs and kissed your little head. You're such a big girl now and I'm really proud.

You're so outgoing and playful around those you know. Like at your party on Saturday. You had a great time with all of your friends at the bounce house place. I barely even saw you. You ran around and bounced until your little heart was content. There was that one small incident when your knee started to bleed and the world was coming to an end because I put a band aid on it, but we'll try to forget about that. Daddy rescued you from Dr. Mom and held you why you cried. Soon you were better and back to having fun. But when it was time for cupcakes and Happy Birthday and all eyes were on you, you became shy. Just like you always do. You sat on my lap, buried your head in my shoulder and cried. All you wanted was mommy. Maybe I liked it a little.

This year you again requested pink and purple cake. I made pink cupcakes with purple frosting and purple cupcakes with pink frosting. You thought they were the coolest thing. I tried to get a cute picture of you eating your cupcake, but you weren't having it. So I sent daddy to take a few. You did a pretty good job on that cupcake and the three others that you had throughout the weekend. I think I had about that many as well.

Saturday night while you were sleeping we decorated the playroom. I wanted you to feel special on your birthday. I think it worked. Your eyes were so big and bright when you walked in and saw the streamers and balloons. In the middle of the room was a present from us. Since you were the center of attention again you were shy about opening it. We were undecided on a gift for you and then I remembered you wanted some roller skates. The purple and black Tinkerbell skates were attached to your feet for most of the day. I'm pretty sure you like them. You scooted all over the house and kept reminding me that the more you practice the better you will be.

Most of the activities on your birthday were low key. We went to the park and then you and I took a long nap. We snuggled for a little bit before we fell asleep. When we woke up you put your arm around my neck and just hugged me. Then you whispered in my ear that you wanted to put your roller skates back on. For dinner we went to the neighbors. We tried Happy Birthday again and it didn't go so well. That's you under the towel. You peeked out to blow out your candle and I begged you for some smiles.

Maybe it was the sugar high. Maybe you finally got tired of me asking. Who knows for sure. I actually got a couple of smiles out of you. Sure, they were a little silly, but I'll take it. I was hoping your dislike for the camera would change when you turned four, but so far that isn't the case.  I wonder when I will be able to say smile and get a decent picture. I'll admit it. It annoys me sometimes, but pictures with your goofy and silly smiles are just as good. Because at this moment in time this is who you are. That makes me happy. I love this you.

You're a special little girl. Your sensitive and sweet, but very matter of fact. You know what you want. You're always questioning me. Stuff about your toys, stuff about life. Sometimes you seem wise beyond four years. I look at you and I can see you contemplating life. You love to read and write and play with your learning toys. You'll choose shorts, t-shrits and tennis shoes over dresses anyday. You love to play outside and will swim all day if I let you. It's always a fight to get you inside.

I love looking at your sweet face. There's a dimple over your left eye that's been there since you were a baby. The freckle on your chin stills tricks me when I'm cleaning your face. I love how the freckles on your nose and cheeks look just like mine. You are my mini me. Your eyes may be my favorite thing. They're not blue and they're not quite green. Sometimes I see some gray in there. They're a smoky mix of a couple colors that get me every time I look in them.

You fill me heart with so much love. I'm so thankful to have you as my daughter.

Love,

Mommy