seeking advice

I'm tired. Mainly because I can't get a good night's sleep. It took awhile and a little sleep training, but after 11 and a half months of her life Morgan started sleeping through the night. And she sleeps like an angel. She goes down around 8 and won't even let me rock her anymore. I go in there in the morning around 6:45 and find her still sleeping or playing with the buttons on her mobile. It's a dream.

Want to know about my nightmare? It's about 3 feet tall and can scale baby gates. And is darn proud of this new found talent.

Don't let this face fool you. It's been rough. Tantrums, whining, refusing to listen and typical three year old stuff. I can handle most of it with two Advil and a beer. Terrible two's? I'd take those back in a heartbeat. But the waking up at night thing is killing us. And I don't know what to do. At first I gave in. When she would wake up and want mommy to lay with her for a few minutes I did. Then the doc gave me a friendly reminder that doing that probably wasn't the best thing. So I stopped. Here's the thing. She only wants me. To break her of that Michael started going in. She would cry for me, but would eventually stop and go back to sleep. And it worked. For a good couple of weeks she slept soundly and I was waking up feeling like I just downed a can of Red Bull. And then it started again.

Let me just add that recently there seems to be some anxiety issues surrounding all of this (maybe?). I have always been the one to read and sing to her. And then I would leave. No issues. But now it's: "Don't leave me mommy. I don't like my bed. I don't want to be alone. Please stay in the living room." The same things I hear in the middle of the night. And then I have to try and escape the death grip that she has my arm. We've been working Michael into this routine and it's gotten better.

I feel like we've tried everything. Rewards. Eliminating tv time. Middle of the night car rides. Plenty of hugs, kisses and reassurance that work to calm her down, but when I go to leave she starts freaking out again.  An occasional spanking (don't judge, I was desparate, but have since realized it doesn't work). Leaving the light on. Leaving the door open. Baby gates. Comfort objects. Offering a spot on the floor in our room to sleep (a tip I got from the internet that didn't work). Short of laying in her bed or letting her lay with us, both of which I refuse to do, nothing seems to work.

That's why I've turned to you, internet friends. I need your advice. What worked for you? What didn't work? I need something, FAST! Last night was another one of those nights and I'm falling asleep typing this.

cuteness

My mom took the girls this weekend and before she met us at my brother's house I got some alone time with baby M. There's just something about a new baby. I seriously could have held her all day. I think I heard Michael tell me we could have another one.

(I chopped all my hair off this past weekend. I'm adjusting, but loving it.)

What a difference a year makes. Addison really could take or leave Morgan when she was born. She loved on her often (and still does), but never really had a major desire to hold her all the time. She was so sweet yesterday and wanted to hold her baby cousin any chance she got.

It's always nice to have a weekend without the girls because I'm able to get some stuff done, but I sure do miss them when Sunday rolls around. While taking a break from the baby, Addison decided she did in fact want to hold Morgan. And maybe eat her too.

Thanks Mom and Jim for the break. See you in 6 weeks.

new aunt

My brother dropped by my work when he was 'in the neighborhood' yesterday. I rounded the corner for the lobby and there him and his wife stood with their newborn baby girl. They just adopted her. Like, I was the first person they came to see on their way home, just adopted her.

(These were taken quickly yesterday and I look like a mess, but who cares. It's all about her anyway.)

I knew they were going through the adoption process, but I had no idea all of this was going on this week. They've been really good about keeping a lot of the details private. I was so shocked and excited when I saw them standing there that I burst into tears. I'm so happy for them that I'm not sure how to express it. I know that she is going to be loved to the fullest.

Welcome to the family baby M.

done

The addition is done. The final inspection has been completed and we are free to fill the 200 square feet with whatever junk we want. It's so far from finished. Right now we have a couch, already adorned with unfolded blankets and sheets.

And I moved Addison's kitchen from her room to free up some space for the 2,437 books that she has.

But the girls are already having a blast playing out there.

Morgan likes to look for the ducks and her daddy mowing the grass.

Wouldn't you know. It already looks like the rest of the house. But at night I get to close the doors and not have to see it.

My goal this weekend is to find a big rug. I'm worried about Morgan hitting her head. And over time I want to put some storage ottomans for both seating and toys, bins for odd stuff and maybe a bookshelf.

15 months

Morgan turned 15 months old the day after she came home from the hospital. And because I was still in freak out mode the day came and went. This past Thursday we took her to the pediatrician for her regularly scheduled well visit. Want to know the stats? I know you're dying. She weighed in at 20.2 pounds (10-15th percentile) and is 31.5 inches (80th percentile) long. It appears that I am going to have the same problem with her as I do Addison. Small waist, high water pants.

Some of her recent things.

• She gets in to everything. I turn my back for two seconds and she is gone.
• She currently has 8 teeth, which includes two molars.
• She will meet you at the door when you tell her it's time to go. And if the door is open she's out in the garage.
• She's still a little wobbly when she walks, but always seems to catch herself. Unless we're outside. Then she falls on the concrete and I freak out.
• Tries to run when she gets excited.
• Loves taking rides in the Barbie Jeep.
• She loves to whine when she wants a toy or something that Addison has.
• Loves to read books by herself.
• She loves balls and has a really good throw.
• She loves doors more. Big doors, cabinet doors, Barbie Jeep doors. Doesn't matter. She'll open and close them. And when she finds herself locked in a room or closet she thinks it's funny.

(opening and closing doors on the kitchen at the doctor's office)

• She gives the best high fives ever.
• She still kisses with her mouth open, but no one seems to mind.
• She can say a couple of words: mama, dada, bye, dog, woof woof, duck, quack quack, cat, yeah, look, that, and cookie.
• She waves and says "bye bye" to me when I drop her off at school.
• She can follow simple directions (put that back) and loves to mimic movements. Especially Addison's. I'm amazed at how much she understands.
• She's starting to recognize the animals in her books.
• She can point to some body parts - head, nose, ears, eyes.
• She points at the birds in the sky and watches their every move.
• She'll dance to anything that is close to music.
• She loves avocado and sweet potatoes.
• She'll eat a crayon in a heartbeat.

(under the counter at the doctor's office)

I was a little concerned about her speech, but those were all squashed at this visit when the doc said she is right on track. I know I shouldn't compare her milestones to Addison, but it's hard not to. That's all I'm familiar with. I just have to remind myself that she is a totally different baby. She was supposed to get three shots that day, but because a combination of the two had a small risk of seizures as a side effect we decided to hold off on one of them. Michael and I did get the flu vaccine though.

The doctor reconfirmed everything that we were already told at the hospital about seizure management if she is to have another. She also agreed with the lack of findings in her tests and said there is a good possibility that it will never happen again. Let's just keep our fingers crossed.

For now, she's as healthy as she can be. I'll take it.

she is my daughter

Poor thing. She gets this slight case of OCD from me.

Sometimes, after baths are done, Addison waits for all of the water to drain so she can put her toys to bed. Kind of like this.

That's Ariel covered with a blanket and a dinosaur friend so she isn't lonely. I have no idea what is in the cup under the second blanket, but whatever it is it won't be lonely because it has a friend too.

On another night I found this. Ariel covered again, but this time with a pillow. The watermelon is her food so she won't get hungry. And again, the mystery item in the cup.

I feel like she hasn't had a lot of blog time lately and I think most of that is because she STILL won't let me take a decent picture of her. She'll goof off and look every direction except for at me.

Yep, she's my daughter.

the whole seizure story

Where to begin.

I got a call from daycare Tuesday afternoon that Morgan was vomiting all over the place. I knew the stomach bug was going around. In fact, I was home resting with a cold. She did okay once we got home, but didn't eat or drink anything before going to bed. She woke up and had some milk Wednesday morning without throwing it up, but she wasn't herself so I kept her home. I watched her drink a ton of water throughout the morning, but she still wouldn't eat anything. Long naps for both of us and she seemed to be a little better. She was keeping down her water and milk and even ate a little pasta for dinner. We both thought she would be clear for school Thursday morning until she threw up all of her milk two minutes after finishing it. Michael decided to stay home with her.

My phone rings at 9:09 a.m. and it's Michael.

"Everything is okay. Morgan just had a seizure and I called 911. They are on the way, but you need to come home as soon as you can."

He was so calm. I actually thought he was joking. I was out the door before I even hung up the phone. I raced home and found the paramedics carrying her out of the house. Everyone is telling me she's fine, but when I saw her I lost it. They started an IV and were giving her oxygen. They told me we were ready to go and that I could ride with her. As soon as I stepped in to the ambulance I could tell something wasn't right. She wasn't focusing on anything and looked so pale. They quickly asked me to leave and I lost it again. After a few minutes we were on our way with me riding up front. It was the worst ride ever. I had no idea what was going on back there. Was she seizing again? Was she going to be okay? We made it to the ER with no seizures on the way.

They drew blood and the initial tests showed that she was severely dehydrated. They wanted to start fluids in her IV and test again to make sure they weren't missing something. After screaming for an hour, she finally rested.

While she was sleeping we learned that her white counts and other important stats were normal, but she was still dehydrated. They wanted to admit her overnight just to pump fluids and get her rehydrated. We were told to follow up with the pediatrician when we were released and the whole thing may have been related to her little body just being off. Evidently seizures in children this age are pretty common and have no adverse mental or physical side effects. I was in the process of convincing myself that it was a fluke thing.

When she woke up she was cranky and starving. I gave her some of the quesadilla I was forcing myself to eat. She was still a little groggy, but happy and playing with everyone there. I decided to take some pictures since she looked better. The time stamp on these was 2:07.

You have to remember that walking is a fun, new thing to her so all she wanted to do was get down and move around. I put her on the floor, where she mostly just stood, and watched her as she played pass the paci with my mom. Back and forth. We all commented about how wobbly she was when she started to take a few steps and that she was probably just a little out of it. Then I see her take a step and instead of her foot coming back to the ground she started to lean sideways. I knew immediately that she was having another seizure. This was around 2:30.

I picked her up and put her on the bed while Michael and my mom ran for the nurses. My aunt and I calmly watched her tighten and stare off. I was okay until the nurses got in there. Then, I lost it. Michael had said to me earlier that he was glad that I didn't witness the seizure that morning because I would have been a mess. He was so right. It was probably the hardest thing I've ever had to watch. In all, the whole thing was over in less than a minute, but it seems like an eternity when it's your baby. They gave her some Ativan which knocked her out and we were off for a CT scan within minutes. Then it was upstairs to our new room. I think we told the story 20 times to different nurses and doctors. But the good thing is they all took it very seriously. The CT scan came back negative and they were putting her on the books for an EEG and an MRI in the morning to try and get to the root of the problem.

Michael left for a couple of hours to go get Addison and prep her for staying with my mom. She seemed ok, other than throwing up in my car. It appears the stomach bug hit her. Morgan ate a couple of cookies for dinner and was down for the night around 7:45. She had to be up at 4 a.m. for the EEG so it was going to be a short night.

Short night it was. I didn't sleep at all. I jumped at every noise and kept checking on her to make sure she was okay. Morgan decided to get up at 2 a.m. We tried and tried to get her to go back to asleep, but she wasn't having it. Then the fun started. They want them to be sleep deprived for the EEG which means they have to be awake for several hours without sleep. That was no problem at first, but Morgan was exhausted. We tried everything to keep her occupied. Around 5:30, after she had pulled half of the wipes out of the container one by one, she literally passed out asleep. Out cold. There was no stirring her awake. Michael and I decided to let her sleep for a few minutes before telling the nurse. She gave her 15 minutes and then said she had to be up. We were out of options so we covered her IV with a bag and gave her a bath. And she screamed the entire time. She made it until almost 8 when she fell asleep again. We gave her another 15 minutes and begged them to get us down there ASAP. The nurses, who were fantastic, were able to get us in quickly and at 8:30 we headed down. She was supposed to fall asleep during the EEG which was not a problem. She was out. The miserable part came when they have to wake her up at the end with a flashing strobe light. Seriously? It's 9:30 and my child has been awake since 2 a.m. I really think this is a form of torture in some foreign country. But she took it well, screamed for another hour and then she was out again.

The MRI was scheduled for 1:30 and after talking to the very thorough anesthesiologist for what seemed like forever she was whisked away for the hour long procedure. Everything went great and the only thing Morgan wanted was juice. She downed 12 ounces quickly. Probably the most juice she's had in her entire life. The no food order was lifted and the IV fluids were finally stopped. She could now eat, drink and play wire free. Now that she was wire free we were comfortable bringing Addison up to see her. We thought it might do both of them good to see each other. They had a blast walking the halls and playing in the playroom.

All of the tests results came back mid afternoon on Friday. Everything was normal. Such a sigh of relief, but at the same time you wonder what caused all the seizures in the first place. They kept her overnight because they wanted to observe her normal activity with regular sleep and no drugs in her system. Addison and I headed home for the night and the next morning I get this picture on my cell phone from Michael. Like nothing ever happen.

We were told again by the pediatricians and neurologists that seizures in children this age are pretty common. Even though she had two seizures, they only treat it as one episode. They could have been related to the illness. Or the dehydration. Or it could just be that her little body is growing and changing so rapidly that her brain couldn't keep up. I guess we'll never really know. There is no harm to her because of the seizures and now we know how to handle them in the future. There is a 65% chance that this will never happen again and I pray that she is in that 65%. I'm not sure my heart can handle seeing her like that again. With time I will feel more comfortable, but for now I still freak out when she wobbles or gets a bump on her head.

On Sunday she turned 15 months old. We hung out at home and she fed the fish in the backyard. She ate well, slept well, and played well all weekend. We even made it to Chuck E. Cheese. She's such a sweet soul. I held her and promised her over and over that I will always be there for her. I just hope she knows how much I love her.

the scariest thing, ever

The short version.

Morgan gets a stomach bug on Tuesday.
Morgan vomits and has, well, other issues.
Morgan stays home from school with Michael on Thursday.
Morgan has a seizure Thursday morning, Michael calls 911 and she is rushed to the ER.
Morgan is super dehydrated, but appears to be doing better.
Morgan has another seizure Thursday afternoon.
Morgan is admitted to the hospital for a ton of tests.
Morgan is cranky and tired most of Friday.
Morgan's tests come back normal.
Morgan goes home Saturday morning.
Morgan's mommy still worries about her.

I hope to get the details typed tonight.

more south carolina

Just a couple more of Morgan on the beach. It's so fun watching her explore the sand and water. She's just not quite sure what to make of all of it.


I got one of Addison looking at the camera...kind of. I have some cute ones of her playing in the fountains that I'll post this week.