60 months

Dear Addison,

I keep telling myself that I need to write you this letter. I sit down to do it, type a couple of words and then can't finish. The words I want to write are up there in my head, but they're just jumbled up with all of the other things that are going on. I can't get them to come out the right way. So I decided just to write whatever comes to my mind.

It's been five years since I held you in my arms for the first time. At the time it was all a blur. I was so jacked up on drugs that the whole thing seemed surreal. But I loved you instantly. That I do remember. And I'm pretty sure you loved me back.

Your random hugs and kisses brighten my day. Although you have so much more confidence than you did a year ago, there are still times when you shy away from the world and come to me for comfort. I love to hold you in my arms or rub your back while you cling to my leg and remind you that everything is going to be fine. Whether your scared, embarrassed or just need a hug, I am always there for you. At night I lay with you and sing You are my Sunshine, just like I have for the past five years. When the lights are out and you're all tucked in I kiss you goodnight, tell you I love you and wish you sweet dreams. Sometimes I want to jump in bed with you and hold you all night, but I let you rest so we can do it all again the next day.

But, since I'm writing you this letter to look back on, I'd like to add that you do have your moments. You're so much like me that it's hard to admit sometimes. You love to write, color and draw, but if for some reason you mess up or go out of the lines it's like a bomb went off in our living room. Your emotions are all over the place and you get so upset. After time has passed and you've calmed down, I explain to you that nothing or no one is perfect. We all make mistakes. It's those mistakes that help us learn and grow. It's going to be a few more years before you completely understand, but you're getting it. You're getting better at handling situations which makes the amount of alone time you have a lot less frequent. There are times when you're kicking and screaming for no good reason at all, but I let you have your moment. I let you be upset and figure it out. It happens to all of us. When it's all over, you're still my sweet Addison.

On any given day you'll tell me a story and barely stop for a breath. You'll draw me pictures and show them off, each one like it's your latest masterpiece. I see you and Morgan playing and drawing together and then five minutes later you're fighting. It's minimal and doesn't last long. Just something sister's do. Most of the time the problem is resolved before I even get involved. You have a passion for learning and are doing so great in school. We work on your reading, writing and math mostly because you love to. I have no doubt that you are going to do great in Kindergarten next year. I included this picture of your teddy bear Sammy because he is your best friend. You sleep with him every night and he's often found close by you throughout the day. You love this bear just like you love everything in life.

You have the sweetest smile and the most perfect teeth. You still won't use the fluoride toothpaste because you refuse to spit. You still prefer for me not to do your hair, but I can often convince you to let me pull it back out of your face. You've started biting your nails and I'm trying to stop it before it gets out of control. Wish me luck. The freckles under your eyes and on your nose are still the cutest ever! You've recently been wearing more skirts and dresses, but you're still not girly. You love to water the flowers and ride your bike and you're swimming like a fish. You love to wake up early on the weekends and play quietly with your sister.

I love your silliness and funny faces. The way that you growl for no reason at all. I love how excited you are to see me when I pick you up from school. I love everything about you.

I love that you are my daughter.

Love,
Mommy